Asiri Media

The house, because it is so arresting, led to my arrest as its owner and builder. By Moyo Okediji.                               I. I was arrested by the Nigerian Police on July 5, 2018. To be fair to them, they were angry with my new building, the ÀKÒDÌ ÒRÌṢÀ, in Ile Ife. The police landed in trucks, arms, uniforms, and plain clothes to storm the construction site. There were about ten workers at the site when the police came. The previous day when the police arrived the workers fled into the surrounding bushes, abandoning their tools, unused building materials, and the entire construction area. “Who is the owner of the house,” one of the plain-clothed officers barked at the cowering plumbing workers, the master bricklayers, carpenters and laborers at various positions around the building. But this time the workers did not flee. Sticking to their plan, they carried their union identity cards wi...

 I wan ass Wuuba: wai ona dey nack shaaj ontop goslow forr Lasgidi wey be de Fedra Capita of Goslow?  Wuuba , abi na Uber, make ona no evun maik me vex. Maik ona no jus maik me paran ontop ona matta. Ifaa no busss pesin taya, maik ona kol me baskard. Imajeen o. Ona wecom tto Pigin Paarol, o jare. Na Wuuba dey maik me vex o. Imajeen. I import wan Hailand chikito laidat com my Mecca de oda day. Chikito say, "nah, my car is faulty, and I don't do commercial buses". Baizd on Hailand chikito naa. I say, Okay, maik I kuku buuk Wuuba forram. I yuzz dem Wuuba App, aand e tehh me say from Hailand wia dem go peek de chikito tto mai mecca forr Iba Estate na aarand treeh taazan naira. I buuk am laidat. Nau, dis Wuuba draiva com carry Hailand chikito ggo sidon brekete forr insaaid confam goslow. Wen dem reesh mai mecca, Wuuba draiva opun im smellin maut tehh me say im Oyonkometa dey reed sevun taazan. Wuuba Onyokometa.   I say maik im yuzz maiscroscrope shekam ...

De Yuka Meal is set to launch at The Federal University of Technology, Owerri (FUTO) . Speaking with our correspondents yesterday, De Yuka CEO, Mr. Emmanuel Okereke, revealed that the launching was scheduled for 30th July. And it will be kicking off at 2:00PM with a road rally from the NDDC Hostel. Mr. Okereke described De Yuka Meal as a product with the  three core attributes students on University campuses often long for in food products. And these, according to him, are: Quality, Quantity, and Affordability. De Yuka Meal is a unique blend of well refined garri, milk and sugar, neatly sealed up in very attractive packs, so that students can rustle up an instant meal with just a N100. For enquiries, contact them at 07018900769.

You’re probably feeling out of shape: too fat and thinking you can’t lose weight; or just normal, but your tummy has begun to grow; or perhaps you desire the chiseled look and ripping muscles that stand out in fitted shirts; or you hit the gym everyday, but don’t seem anywhere close to your body goals. Whatever the case, remember this: body fitness is a journey. My name is Jude Ozoemena , and I am a body fitness enthusiast. I am currently concluding a Biochemistry degree at FUTO, so you can trust me to know that there is more to fitness than just working it out at the gym. Welcome to my corner, because I am ready to make that fitness journey with you.           CONTACTS .    Email: ozoemenajude09@gmail.com

Little PRECIOUS was almost crippled when she was hit by an over-speeding bike on that road.   OWERRI —One of the four communities surrounding The Federal University of Technology, Owerri (FUTO) , Eziobodo boasts the largest population of students from the institution living off campus. And this is despite the deplorable state of Eziobodo road, the major link road between the community and the university. The dirt road, coupled with poor drainage system, had had residents literally swimming in large pools of water during the rainy season for years. It was so bad that student’s vying for various positions in the SUG used constructing makeshift wooden bridges across puddles in various places as campaign strategy every year. Fast forward to 2017, and there is a tarred road in place of the wide, intractable dirt road. We could talk about the road being quite narrow and drainage system being poorly finished, perhaps due to insufficient funding; but there is something on the g...

        Shey dem no dey shain torchlait ontop pipu safitikate beeforr dem enta Govment pochichon?  Ona wecom to Pigin Paarol. We don land, com pochichon forr hia. Tohday, matta wey dey graawnd na FAKE SAFITIKATE AND NAIJA POLITISHANS.  Yuu see, fake safitikate don turnn norma teeen forr naija politishans. De oda dayy, na Senetorr Him-no-dey-laiyi, de wan wey we com knoww az ajeku iya. We jus commot maut from Hanty Adeosun fake NYSC safitikate. Naw, na awa oga wey de dans dans for Senate haus, wey we dey call Senetorr Adeleke alias De Dans Dans Senetorr . Briz don blo com opun fawu yansh say Senetorr Adeleke no ggo Univasiti forr Obodo Oyibo as im tok. Awa kweshun be, shey dem no dey shain torchlait ontop pipu safitikate beeforr dem enta Govment pochichon? Wai e dey taik so longg beefor dem com faind aut say dem politishan dey yuzz fake safitikate? And wai evriteeen dey hapun jus as we dey nia elekshun? Abeg, maik ona no sheef yansh. Pipi...

      But upon arrival, we discovered that  no arrangements were even made for us: no lodging, no feeding. Nothing.                                  By Chaline Anarado . So Cross River State is gearing up for another Carnival Calabar this year, while they haven't paid the models who played in the previous one in 2017. True to the theme of the last carnival, which was 'Migration,' it was migration for a lot of participants. But a rather unfortunate one for invited models. That's how they called models from other states to travel to Calabar and perform for the carnival. We left everyone back at home, family and friends, during the most important season of the year (Christmas) and took the risk to make the very long and tiring travel to Calabar for this event. We even had to make travel expenses by ourselves, since they promised to refund. But upon arrival, we discovered that...

                             By Hymar David .        It was 1998. The year Ebbe Sand and his Danish compatriots destroyed the Super Eagles in the second-round stages of France 1998. The year Sani Abacha died and my father and his friends celebrated, filling our parlour with beer, loud conversations, music and laughter. It was the year my best friend Elijah received Jesus into his heart and started avoiding me.        We met one afternoon at school as I was doing my best to stand up to Jamiu. Jamiu was in Primary three, but he had the body of a primary six pupil. He was a half-wit bully who repeated classes and dusted his punishments like the strokes of cane were caressing his palms and back.        I was walking towards where some boys were playing football, licking a lollipop and resisting the urge to bite into it so I could get to the gum in t...

Wetin be de main teeen wey we com laif tto gain? Ona wecom tto Pigin Paarol. Mai name na Pipiro. Aand tohday, we ggo shook maut insaid de wan wey we kol WETIN WE GAIN? We kollet dat Memori Vass ffrom dis korrekt muzishan wey im name be Victor AD. If yuu neva hia im muzik, yuu fit geht am ffrom HIA . Im muzik dey buss dada forr streeet nau, aand im sing say:  "If we no maik moni, wetin we gain?" Dat na confam kweshon. As soffa soffa fuull Naija so, wey pipu dey pkai henyhaw, if peson go pkai beefor im evun enjoi dis laif, wetin im gain? Buh awa kweshon for tohday be: wetin be de main teeen wey we com laif tto gain? Dat wan teeen wey be say if we no geht am beefor we dai, we don luuz be dat. Abeg, maik ona no sheef yansh.

Welcome to my corner. My name is Chaline Anarado , but my friends call me Chalinerados . I am a model, an aesthete, an athlete, and an actress. Add language freak to the list, too. I graduated from the Modern Languages Department in UNIZIK, majoring in French. And I am currently pursuing a diploma in Chinese. When I am not cat-walking on the runway, or acting a script on a movie set, I am out working as an Interpreter/Translator (French/English), Catwalk instructor, Events host, and TV/Radio presenter. Stick around for all the exciting gist on lifestyle and modeling. To access all the contents under Models and Runways, click HERE . CONTACTS.  Email: chalinerados@yahoo.com Twitter/IG/Snapchat: @chalinerados AWARDS.  Queen of Anambra Carnival, 2014. Miss Nigeria Entertainment Universe, 2015. Face of Venny Magazine.  Miss NYSC Cross River State, 2016.

Ona wecom tto mai kabal. Forr Pigin Paarol, we ggo dey yaan abaut orishirishi matta. Aand evriteeen ggo be forr confam Naija pigin, no Ingilishi forr hia. So ol doz pipu wey no dey undastan pigin, maik ona runn ggo len am o. Mai name na  Prospero O Anuforo ; buh mai frens dem dey kol me  Pipiro,  becos I sabi torrtorri pipu witt mai tori, no be smoll. Dem mai tori aand puem don evun show face forr orishirishi jornals and magazins. Abeg, maik ona no sheef yansh. Tto see evriteen wey dey forr Pigin Paarol, kiliki:                       HIA .                                  MAI KONECT:               Email: pipiro44@gmail.com               Twitter: @pipiro44                IG: @pipiro144.

The question, if anything, should be: what new perspective will this structure bring to our literature?    Courtesy: Panel discussion at KABAFEST. As it stands, there are two camps of Nigerian writers now: the pro-KABAFEST camp; and the anti-KABAFEST, placard-carrying camp. The latter is almost a complete list of uninvited guests, sadly, raving at how wrong it all is: writers must boycott KABAFEST altogether because Mallam Nasir El-Rufai is an evil man, and has his stash in it; writers must be good; writers must be activists; writers must eschew this treachery, and not go wine and dine over the graves of murdered Shiites; literary festivals are for hungry writers looking for free meals. Let's at least begin with the truth: Literary Festivals, Cultural Exchange Programs, and anything of that ilk, are events where writers and scholars should be made comfortable: lush meals, fine wine, expensive hotels. It’s so everywhere in the world. I don't know of any programs w...

The mentality behind the outsourcing of the production of our football team's jersey is the same one at play with the Nigeria Air logo . I remember back in secondary school when a classmate of mine ran away from home. He slept in the open classrooms for about two days before the school porter noticed and reported the matter to our teachers. They invited him to the staff room, questioned him as to why he won't go home. But he insisted he couldn't, that his father would kill him if he dared step foot in the house. They were curious to know the weight of his crime: did he steal his father's money? No. The teachers burst out laughing when he told them he had run for breaking  a tumbler. They couldn't believe it, so they assigned a teacher to go with a few students  to his house and plead with his father. We even took up collection and bought a whole set of glass cups to replace the broken one. It was a clogged room in a heavily crowded "face me I slap you...

Do you think it's professional for banks to engage in such petty fights on social media? There is a serious battle raging right on Twitter, with banks shading the very cash out of their vaults. Come and see action feem. The battle began with Sterling Bank's (@Sterling_Bankng) rather deprecating twit, with a comic caricature of the logos of other major Nigerian banks. And if you're conversant with Nigerian banks' logos, it shouldn't be difficult spotting what banks. See below: This has drawn clap backs from the other banks, and snowballed into what has come to be called Bank Wars in twitter community. Union Bank (@UNIONBANK_NG) who, without fail, spotted themselves in the strutting white horse with the rider losing grip and falling off in Sterling's comic, came with a gentle jab: First Bank's (@FirstBankngr) elephant is unmistakable, and they also quickly packaged their own shit and sent it straight back: And, dissatisfied with the ...

What do I think about  the Messi - CR7 rivalry?  Russia 2018 serves as some kind of harbinger to the end of a decade of dominance by just two players on the international football scene. That, of course, to the disappointment of football fans and lovers of Leo Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo. Most of the fans had thought it would be a battle between the two. But, sadly, we saw Luka Modric crowned MVP and Harry Kane walking away with the Golden Boot (6 goals). We may argue that CR7 did quite a lot of work to literally pull his team through to the round of 16, and that Messi wasn't so visible throughout the tournament except in the match against the Nigerian Super Eagles, but that won't exactly be a realistic way of judging the two. What do I think about the Messi - CR7 rivalry? It's not even there. Both are great players with their peculiarities. Understand this: CR7 is a one-man mopol, and it favours him. He likes the spotlight always on him, flashing his abs and a...

I was shocked when she told me she had had sex. Then I wanted it to be a joke. But it wasn't, she assured me: she had gone to visit him, and one thing had led to another; she just didnt know what came over her. Not that I was against exploring one's sexualitythe; age of sexual conservation as moral probity is gone. But she barely knew him. And why didnt she tell me before going to visit him? I had tried as best I could to be a good father. We talked about almost everything: from sex to counting her cycles, to algebra. If a boy winked at her in class, I was the first to know. I could say I knew her enough to say my daughter couldnt be so loose as to make out with a stranger, an old friend whom she hadn't seen or heard from in a long time. I became confused. Something was wrong somewhere, but I just couldnt tell what. I tried probing her for signs of rape, because rape is also language and thoughts and reminiscence and feelings: "You mean, he had sex with you?...

The Lagos State Ministry of Education had decided to group all the public schools in Lagos into six districts. Each district had a Tutor-general or Permanent secretary overseeing matters around there, and their jobs included occasional visits to schools under their districts, inspection and all such. My school, Egan Senior Grammar school–a wide school compound with class-rooms that were more like chicken coops–was one of the many schools under DISTRICT I. And so, we arrived that morning to news of a visit from our Permanent secretary. Our principal, Mrs ???, preened at the sleeves of her suit jacket as she announced it to us on the assembly ground. She didn't miss out the very important detail that the permanent secretary was an Oyibo woman. A white woman. And that meant everything had to be very white, from the school compound to the very language. No vernacular, if the need arose for any one of us to speak. The other teachers, who were wearing suits, too, ran around...

"Na we pray pass, but na we still poor pass. Churches and mosques don cover wia factories suppose stand and dem say we dey jobless." (Makes the sign of the cross). Dear God, Dis na my pain and my puem. If I see any poor Naija pesin inside hell, I go know say some kain ojoro dey for Dai Kindom Come. Becos, here na too much hell already to fear for another hell.                            1. I see one family yesterday. Na food wey pipu troway inside duzbin na im dem dey gather to chop. So much for 'give us dis day, awa daily bread'. And when one of the boys open one plate wey dey inside the duzbin, jam spoilt bread, im take hand chase away the flies com begin dey dance.                           2. I know another family, wey watch their daughter die for their hands sake of say dem no fit afford the hospital bill. The Mama no cry, she sa...